2 Birthdays and 2 Good-bye’s

I’m sad, he’s sad, so we need to keep on partying. That’s how you forget all about sailorboy leaving for the next 3 months - “it might be a year” kind of depressing period.. His Australian friend’s getting older and wiser, so we’re having a surprise party for him. Sailorboy thought of a lot of beer and tea – somehow seems a good present. So he says, let’s bike there. That means he’s going to bike there, I’m just playing beauty on the back of the bike. He tries to have the beers on the stand in front and decides after 50m it’s really a mad circus balancing the beers in front with the woman on the back while going fast 20minutes.. we take a taxi to my absolute content – it’s cold, man! The crowd at the party there is very exotic and I’m still wondering why he got a giant 50cm artificial key as a present from his buddies. We drink old Dutch gin and have beers after while chasing the cat and having another conversation why you don’t need to speak one word of Dutch while living in the Netherlands. That’s birthday 1.

While we’re starting a good weekend, we should end it up with another good party. That’s in Uitgeest. A small quiet place 30 minutes away from Amsterdam. Or 45minutes away, if you take the wrong train, the one I took. By then sailorboy got bored in the car waiting in front of the station and probably all the friends and relatives thought we were getting action on our way. This was first time of “meeting the family”, so I was nervous like hell. Blood was running to my head making me shy and in need to hold sailorboy’s hand and follow him so not to get in contact with strangers. After some drinks I relaxed ‘til I heroically shouted that I protest to having only 2 kingdoms. That was later that evening when we were playing some strategy team game, where my team got only disadvantages to begin with. God I hate losing.. even if it was a trip on foot to Rome!! For some kind of reason, the birthday boy was talking from time to time Russian with me, so I needed to sharpen my senses and somehow react.. didn’t work that well, so I gave it up. That’s birthday 2.

The good-bye day was almost there, so we decided to have a lunch as goodbye.. Sailorboy’s flight was supposed to be the day after in the morning, so no time for long good-bye’s. A quick lunch would do. So we went to the hotel next to my company, hold our hands. I felt miserable. And even more miserable when thinking I needed to go home to an empty half apartment. The thought of it was pumping up tears in my head. The design hotel is inexistent, the table is inexistent, the food is dry, my soul is empty. That’s good-bye 1.

The next morning I was supposed to wake up horribly early in the morning, get a taxi and get to Schiphol for the waving bye-bye. Just when I was about to order the cab, the phone rings. Sailorboy says he didn’t check the tickets. He’s leaving 12 hours later, that’s in the evening… wow! We get a good-bye night! It’s an unexpected sort of present. Like when you hope something terrible’s going to happen, just so he cannot leave any more. Well, at least we had one more fabulous night! That’s good-bye 2.

And then I waved… ta tar! Until we shall meet again…

Cafea etiopiana

Am fost si io prima data la restaurant etiopian. Si cica la ei se bea cafeaua cu arome, vrajeli, zice prietenul meu. Io zambasc, ma uit rafinat si printre gene. Cand - vin aia cu tava cu cafea si cu tamaia, frate! Da ce-aveti, ma, nene?! Va credeti in biserica?! Pai am luat masa si am vrut sa bem o cafea, nu sa ne faceti slujba! Si fumu se raspandi…

Si tot asa a trebuit sa ajung la slujba in Romania, sa-mi iau la revedere de la bunicul meu, tot printre fum si rude planse.. Credeam ca o sa fie un drum rapid, de la aeroport – in Berceni – apoi la tara. Cand colo dam peste zapada, peste trafic infernal si peste un taximetrist fara semnalizari de taxi sau tarife pe capota, cu negozia de pretz si cu viteza melcului turbat. Mai precis melc pentru ca traficu era ca si cum n-ar mai fi, ca o parcare unde lumea isi mai schimba locu, ca sa nu se lictiseasca. Iar turbat ca asta parca mai avea un pic si se catzara pe alte mashini ca sa le depaseasca. Omu a fost fotbalist in liga 2 la nemti si n-a putut sa mai joace, ca mai baga, la ce salarii-si lua. Si din lipsa de alte oportunitati, baga taxi la greu. Oricum.. tre sa stai bine cu nervii..

All the things go round and round

This is not my theory. But the world is round. And all the things go round and round and round. Needless to say what goes around comes around. A twist of faith is a twist of mind. A while ago I found out some one very dear to me was about to pass away. I felt my world collapsed and my mind went drenched to a sombre slippery hopeless pit.

I read what I’ve written on my little black book – “My hand is insecure, it takes a lot of my mind. It has the sudden most bizarre tendency to throw the coffee away, to spill it all over my white shirt, to put Dalmatian stains on the floor and makes people slip on it, break their neck on the cold rough slippery floor. Then my hand will be secure again. Badly secure… ” and then “Has anyone seen a f.. murder? How long it takes. How slow it is.” I think control goes loose, you can easily lose your temper, cause humans are such fragile beings..

How do you prevent being fragile? Do you break yourself to pieces more times so you build resistance? At the end of the day you’re still a pile of broken glass..

I’ve always wanted not to believe some tragic moments in my life can appear, but they did. I somehow didn’t want to hear about it ‘cause I didn’t want to jinx it – my happiness. No one in my family ever dies; they just stick around – an old crowd who’s just enjoying.

And then it just happens – and then it’s nothing… and..

It’s alright, it’s ok, it’s going to be fine, Wanna! Wanna, you’ll be alright. It’s me, Wanna. I’m here. – when I was just a little girl I had another me – I was the smart, beautiful, nice one. The blond princess with smartness attached and a touch of coolness.

And then you’re sitting in a room and you don’t know what to do with yourself, ‘cause nothing resembles to yourself anymore. You don’t have any sense of wonder any more and there’s no childlike play, the world is just a cruel mature and responsible place to be in. And that’s sad. So you’re just yearning to go around again, but the world stays still.

So how did it go around for me? First it was the shock, then it was the reality, now it’s just consequence. I want to fight it. I will do something small about it. I will take my revenge on it. So I’m going to run the marathon for The Worldwide Cancer Research Funds (het Wereld Kanker Onzerzoek Fonds) and hopefully get some sponsorship for it to make the cancer die from this world!

“My mamma told me I’m special.”