All the things go round and round

This is not my theory. But the world is round. And all the things go round and round and round. Needless to say what goes around comes around. A twist of faith is a twist of mind. A while ago I found out some one very dear to me was about to pass away. I felt my world collapsed and my mind went drenched to a sombre slippery hopeless pit.

I read what I’ve written on my little black book – “My hand is insecure, it takes a lot of my mind. It has the sudden most bizarre tendency to throw the coffee away, to spill it all over my white shirt, to put Dalmatian stains on the floor and makes people slip on it, break their neck on the cold rough slippery floor. Then my hand will be secure again. Badly secure… ” and then “Has anyone seen a f.. murder? How long it takes. How slow it is.” I think control goes loose, you can easily lose your temper, cause humans are such fragile beings..

How do you prevent being fragile? Do you break yourself to pieces more times so you build resistance? At the end of the day you’re still a pile of broken glass..

I’ve always wanted not to believe some tragic moments in my life can appear, but they did. I somehow didn’t want to hear about it ‘cause I didn’t want to jinx it – my happiness. No one in my family ever dies; they just stick around – an old crowd who’s just enjoying.

And then it just happens – and then it’s nothing… and..

It’s alright, it’s ok, it’s going to be fine, Wanna! Wanna, you’ll be alright. It’s me, Wanna. I’m here. – when I was just a little girl I had another me – I was the smart, beautiful, nice one. The blond princess with smartness attached and a touch of coolness.

And then you’re sitting in a room and you don’t know what to do with yourself, ‘cause nothing resembles to yourself anymore. You don’t have any sense of wonder any more and there’s no childlike play, the world is just a cruel mature and responsible place to be in. And that’s sad. So you’re just yearning to go around again, but the world stays still.

So how did it go around for me? First it was the shock, then it was the reality, now it’s just consequence. I want to fight it. I will do something small about it. I will take my revenge on it. So I’m going to run the marathon for The Worldwide Cancer Research Funds (het Wereld Kanker Onzerzoek Fonds) and hopefully get some sponsorship for it to make the cancer die from this world!

“My mamma told me I’m special.”